on february 14th, my 81 year old grandmother checked into arcadia methodist hospital with severe pneumonia and difficulty breathing. my extended family visited her on tuesday the 15th and i spoke with her, about how i knew she was going to get better and about farm animals (at the time we were looking at a disney picture book with my 2 year old niece).
on thursday the 17th, she was cleared to be released when her vitals suddenly crashed and she was rushed to the ICU. on friday the 18th, my cousin (a registered nurse) had to explain to my grandma that she needed to be intubated and battling tears, pleaded for her not to fight the tube. not understanding the severity of the situation, my grandma said thank you and those were the last two words she ever spoke.
on monday the 21st, she had been moved to the CCU and was living off of a variety of drugs and machines that would've heavily sedated any patient. but my grandma was always waking up, trying to squeeze our hands and would nod her head at questions. although grimacing, she would open her eyes and follow us as we walked around her bed. by this time, her prognosis was extremely grim and the doctor only gave her hours to live. as a result, my two cousins and i stayed awake for over 24 hours, checking on her every 30 minutes in the CCU so she wouldn't die alone. to everyone's surprise, she made it for another day and a half.
on wednesday the 23rd, around 9am i watched my grandma's vitals flatline. i have never seen anyone die in front of my eyes.
it's been two days and im not sure how to feel. this is the fourth san juan to pass in four years. all i know is that i want to tell everyone who matters that i love them.
rest in peace simeona san juan. we fucking love you nanay.
-t
