Friday, February 25, 2011

on february 14th, my 81 year old grandmother checked into arcadia methodist hospital with severe pneumonia and difficulty breathing. my extended family visited her on tuesday the 15th and i spoke with her, about how i knew she was going to get better and about farm animals (at the time we were looking at a disney picture book with my 2 year old niece).

on thursday the 17th, she was cleared to be released when her vitals suddenly crashed and she was rushed to the ICU. on friday the 18th, my cousin (a registered nurse) had to explain to my grandma that she needed to be intubated and battling tears, pleaded for her not to fight the tube. not understanding the severity of the situation, my grandma said thank you and those were the last two words she ever spoke.

on monday the 21st, she had been moved to the CCU and was living off of a variety of drugs and machines that would've heavily sedated any patient. but my grandma was always waking up, trying to squeeze our hands and would nod her head at questions. although grimacing, she would open her eyes and follow us as we walked around her bed. by this time, her prognosis was extremely grim and the doctor only gave her hours to live. as a result, my two cousins and i stayed awake for over 24 hours, checking on her every 30 minutes in the CCU so she wouldn't die alone. to everyone's surprise, she made it for another day and a half.

on wednesday the 23rd, around 9am i watched my grandma's vitals flatline. i have never seen anyone die in front of my eyes.

it's been two days and im not sure how to feel. this is the fourth san juan to pass in four years. all i know is that i want to tell everyone who matters that i love them.

rest in peace simeona san juan. we fucking love you nanay.


Tuesday, February 15, 2011

for a second there, i thought you disappeared.

whenever you've hit a personal low, there's always that one friend/stranger/professional who offers a glimmer of optimism. sometimes it's expressed with a cliche riddled pep talk or through the exposing of a similar personal experience, in an attempt to make you recognize that hurting isn't specifically tailored to your frame of life. and sometimes it's just the repetitious nature of something that lulls you to comfort.

today's ray of hope is brought to you by the shoegazey and circular sounds of tashaki miyaki, a band i know absolutely nothing about, but remain content and grateful.

listen to the stunning "something is better than nothing" via bandcamp.


sometime a border between us arrived. it says we are separate and nulli defined.

i love the simplicity of watching people paint on textured mediums. check out portuguese media artists, maria helena and joao bento soare, do their storefront thing below.


i'm trying to make the goosebumps on your inner thighs show.

how many future kids do you think were conceived last night? while the capricorn population rises, it's a safe assumption that as the sun opened it's eyes this february 15th, this song was on steady repeat.

check out j-cole and drizzy drake tag team the concept of an early morning session.

early bird gets the worm :)

Monday, February 14, 2011

this time we'll make it happen.

whether you're celebrating or han solo for the day, this is just the right amount of cute and quirky guaranteed to not tip the scale in the opposing direction.

happy love day,

Friday, February 11, 2011

your head will collapse when there's nothing in it.

old goal, newly rejuvenated.


Thursday, February 10, 2011

passive me, aggressive you.

they say that one is the loneliest number. probably because when you fall, there's no one there to laugh before extending a helping hand. or maybe it's because if you're eating a poppyseed bagel, whose going to tell you about that seed embarrassingly lodged in your front tooth? alas, one plus one solves most of life's discrepancies and happens to also be a formula for quality tunes.

case in point, saratoga springs twosome phantogram.
check out their latest, "when i'm small" below.

their ridiculously good debut album, eyelid movies is out now.

am i underground or am i in too deep?

all of the time you thought i was sad, i was trying to remember your name.

speech adaptation is inevitable when visiting unfamiliar territory. so if you happen to be visiting paris, london, beijing or barcelona anytime soon, check out the corresponding videos below and brush up on the language of the locals.


Tuesday, February 8, 2011

haven't had a drink and so far that's bittersweet.

what i like about shadows is that they're dual-purposed. sometimes they're exactly what they appear to be, a precise replica of it's owner. other times, they take on the shapes of near-by characters, adding new dimensions to a familiar item.

that idea of addition upon a variation of conditions seems to play an important theme in the music of stones throw's latest signees, the stepkids. taking cues from recognizable genres of music, the east coast-bred trio interject new shades of sounds, offering limitless possibility in each track.

download their new single, "shadows on behalf" here and peep that tie-dye vinyl above.

the very essence of a glare is never very far,

Monday, February 7, 2011

i chose to feel it and you couldn't choose.

it's difficult to love someone and one day think of the possibility that they would no longer be a part of your life. tears will be shed, promises broken and life ultimately turns upside down for awhile. but after an extended amount of time, the bandaid slowly begins to fall off and you realized that you've survived. strength is just an afterthought, because you know that if you could weather a storm like that, all other natural disasters won't even come close.

watch my favorite stars' song below and think about someone you knew a million and one moons ago.

it's nothing but time and a face that you lose,


easy as it sounds, it's never quite as easily done.

today's mood.


Friday, February 4, 2011

you get the tune, i'll get the light.

it's officially friday afternoon. let's go for a walk, share a bottle of wine, tell jokes on our backs, eat a spoonful of peanut butter or let's randomly make something beautiful.


Thursday, February 3, 2011

don't call me boring, it's just that i like you.

we've all been at the receiving or giving end in the longstanding tradition of the love letter. and whether or not it ended the way you hoped for, there's honor in putting yourself out there, laying it all on the line and saying exactly what you felt needed to be articulated.

it's the same idea for street artists and their occasionally illegal forms of expression. check out juxtapoz contributing editor joey garfield and famed street artist, ESPO's trailer for their new documentary, a love letter for you.

"you are seeing an adventure,"

we tried each other, let's try another.

there's a wonderful sense of romance undermining the music of baths. underneath the electronic blips and jagged edges, beats a sense of urgency about love. it's not desperate nor coy, but remains beautiful and intrinsically relatable.

kissing hands,

quiet is the new loud.

it's the tale of two actresses in the new video for small black's lead single, "photojournalist". while both engaging in typical daily activities - getting the mail, putting lipstick on and picking up a small snack at the market, each one goes about their business in their own distinct way, but remain blissfully similar in demeanor.

small black's debut record, new chain, is out now.


Wednesday, February 2, 2011

if you think you're special, you're probably not.

creativity and originality all accessible through simple and random executions by your fingertips. make music by touching the buttons below.


but i want you back, underneath my skin.

turning the plain into proper, ben eine utilizes nothing more than a bundle of spray paint cans, ladders, overhead projectors and an idea.

peep the stereotypical UK teeth game and slightly hard to understand accents with this mini street art doc below.

today's post brought to you by the letter:

Tuesday, February 1, 2011

there's a limit to your care, so carelessly there.

simple, sexy, blurred and blue. i dare you not to resist.

i don't know about my dreamin' anymore,

does this city have a curfew? don't you know it's good to see you too.

a glowing, disco track that deserves a tuesday two-step and i'm more than happy to oblige.

toro y moi - "new beat".


lover's names, carved on walls. overlap. start to merge.

an unrelenting assault of glossy color schemes and elliptical shapes around grainy footage, UK producer bibio's new video for "excuses" feels like a optical exam gone wrong. and by wrong i mean right. and by right i mean, drug assisted.

bibio's latest, mind bokeh drops march 29th.

a fragment of time which is not recorded,